Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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