Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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