Porn is love you can see.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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