So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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