Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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