I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
