Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
