We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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