I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
