mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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