What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I FOUND THE LEGS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
