How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
