True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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