Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
