Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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