I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i will never coherently bang her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
