You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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