So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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