the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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