is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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