I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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