Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
