Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
