i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
