I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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