and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
