Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
