Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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