i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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