I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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