Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
