You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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