Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
