the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
