Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i now understand why vodka
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
