Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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