Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
