yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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