he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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