Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
