How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
