I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
