i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
