Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
