omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
