I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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