textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Boobs are out for the taking
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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