please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
