girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
