to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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