Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want to make out with him forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
