Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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