your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
BRING THE BAGELS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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