You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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