I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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