I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
