So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They have beer where we have blood.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
