I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
