Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
