can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you never un-have a 4some
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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