Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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