He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she smelled like a LAN party
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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