I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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